Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
