I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's never too late to be topless.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
