Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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