OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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