I wish my penis had an off switch
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
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