Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
