Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
