I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
