i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
