He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I had to cum in my sink.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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