for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
