The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
