WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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