So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
