Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
