I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
