Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
