just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
