The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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