So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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