I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
