I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
