What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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