i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
