We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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