Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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