i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
His hands were made for my vagina.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
