these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Randomize
