I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
