Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
