I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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