I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
