you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
