I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
