sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
