If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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