I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
