i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
