you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Another day, another engagement, another cat
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
