nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
