she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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