I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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