They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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