i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
