she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
