just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
