I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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