Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
