he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
