My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I wish they made helmets for livers.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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