I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
