It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I skipped work to stalk him.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
