i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
